Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here , peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. This poll is inspired by a recent message board thread about online dating and how long people wait to schedule dates with people they click with.
Back when I did a little online dating always locally , I liked to exchange emails for about a week or two before meeting in person. Christy June 20, , 2: I used to wait WAY too long. Except for the girl with whom I made plans, but who somehow got herself a girlfriend in the week between the plan being made and the date? So then we just met in a friendly way. But that was also a bad thing that happened from waiting too long.
Online Dating and the Endless Emails - ACW
I did a fair bit of online dating, and let me tell you, the real world worked much better for my awkward self. Matthew June 20, , 2: Anything more than a few emails is silly. Fabelle June 20, , 2: MissDre June 20, , 3: I made my current BF within 4 or 5 days I think? But we had been emailing back and forth all day for those 4 days. RMM June 20, , 3: Back when I did it, I had a two email maximum. Although I never asked anyone out, I aimed for having a date set by the third email or sooner.
I wanted to get the meeting over with so I could see if there was any connection.
When I first started, I ended up wasting a lot of time with guys who, although in my zip code, just wanted a pen pal. Seriously, WHY do online dating if you end up stretching out email correspondence for a month? Online dating is nothing but options. When I did it, I saw plenty of profiles disappear for a week or two and then come back online. Then, disappear for another week, then come back online.
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I will say this wholeheartedly, I think online dating is one of the worse things for dating. It absolutely ruins chemistry and destroys your self esteem. Meeting someone in real life has still given me much greater results than meeting someone online. I disagree that online dating ruins chemistry. But go on enough of these dates and you learn that finding people willing to meet you face to face is not too difficult. At least for me. The real trick is finding someone worth meeting.
I have to agree with Kbizzy, you seem to have commitment issues.
The six biggest online dating mistakes men make
Sometimes I ask a girl out for a drink immediately, because there is absolutely nothing in her profile that I can ask her about, unless I want to know about her favorite pair of sweatpants. I am the opposite, which is why I try to give women the quickest way out as possible. I also hate writing about myself in a non self-deprecating manner this is why I suck at cover letters , however, I will talk about myself relentlessly in person. Also, I signed up for online dating to meet people and not to develop a pen pal.
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Any chance of you getting out soon? Some people are actually boring. I hate it when they say little about themselves in a conversation. Forcing a conversation is the quickest way to frustration. The Subtle Art of Online Dating. John, If a girl has nothing in her profile to ask or talk to her about, I move on. My sweet spot seems to be middle-aged Russian women who live in the middle of country. So yes, dreams do come true. Every article on this blog I have read with relish and a bit of mustard, sometimes , and almost every time I either learn something valuable and new, or I agree with the topic or viewpoint.
This one, though… I have to disagree with you a little. So… maybe it has a generational aspect to it. Sure, it can be cost-prohibitive if you do it too much. Not like we were doing anything else anyway. Or, well, you might, being the social gadfly you are. They should at least take a shot at it.
They have to make an effort. Are they going to be boring and lazy in person? I usually roll right on by those people. Only then can I know if I want to meet or even email them. This seems counterproductive to me. Perhaps it is because you are actually better at the email exchanges than the face to face meets?
Profiles can be manipulated to achieve best results as opposed to portraying the real person, email exchanges can be crafted carefully to suit your suitor. And photos, well we all know about photos. You can argue that this bar the photo aspect can be manipulated in face to face meets too, but your certainly have a better shot of detecting it in person. I obviously have a completely different perspective to you B, but I see it along the lines of meeting someone in real life, at a club, bar, etc etc, you know nothing about that person, you meet for a date to see if you get along, have chemistry, are attracted beyond the beer goggles etc.
I also feel like this dating game is totally lopsided, men make most first contacts, and most go unanswered, anything one can do to avoid wasting time time is money after all , seems like a wise move in my book. I also think a beer and a new face, is a better hour spent, than a email exchange. Set up a face to face meet in a pub, turn up 5 mins late if you care about buying her a drink, she will have got her own by then , and explore a little. Also to Amy, I agree that it is lazy, but would disagree that its boring. Boring seems more aligned to a perfectly crafted profile listing all your interests and whims.
To a lot of people, it makes you the difference between an illiterate with no personality and a decent option with brains and something to say. I think it is a personal choice whether to speed things up and skip right to the face-to-face thing, or nurture the conversation side to things for awhile. Both have their pluses and minuses equally. But I just feel like some of the comments here sound as if B is telling us to write emails for weeks on end.
He blatantly said 5. Is 5 suddenly some astronomical number? You need to do what you feel personally comfortable with. The minute you start analyzing how many emails you need to send before asking her out, is the minute the connection turns inorganic. If you want to ask a woman out after one email do it. Having been doing this online dating thing off and on for years, there is one thing I learned.
Everyone is just weird. One person wants to meet right away, another person wants to email and be a Pen Pal for 5 months before they decide on meeting! So we exchange a few emails with a new match and ask her out for a drink and then she gets creeped out and hits DELETE? This whole thing is beyond ridiculous if you ask me. I had one match respond to my email with her phone number, she said she wants to meet potential matches right away as she does not like the whole emailing back and forth.
I accepted and we went on a few dates. No wonder there are so many single women out there with lots of cats. If you want a girl. Its Better to only be lookin for sex to begin with honestly as a dude. Relationships happen that way. If thats what you want. Being concerned about a womans one thing one minute another the next, emotionional roll coaster, wants a good boy with a bad boy attidude???
Reads to many romance novels and magazines and has a tmz driven crazy every man should have a crystal ball mind.. Just F them good treat em right try your best to listen to them lol. And live your life the way you want.
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You could have typed years ago by tele typing! I joined Match about three weeks ago for the first time. The reason for this is because I want to really try to get a sense of who they are before meeting them or handing out my number. Hi Adelle, you can get a Google number to feel a little safer but you should meet sooner rather than later. It never ends well and when know what happens when relationships start out on fire…they fizzle just as fast.
I agree with B. Good luck everybody…buckle up it might be a bumpy ride! After two months at match, I got lots of views plus, but no date! Just lots of emails, texts, some phone calls, and indecent one night stand proposals from guys Ive never met! Im a decent woman with a profile specifiying a real relationship.
Many men said Im pretty but never followed through on actual dates. It was crushing to my ego to see Im just seen as someone to F. But I really think it depends on her profile. Unless there is something specific I want to inquire about. But I find that most girls I approach have fully fleshed out profiles, and I always ask them to dinner on the first email.